Dare to Challenge
FEAR
By Anese Cavanaugh
What does failure have to do with
action?
I wrote an article on daring to
celebrate failure. I spoke about the learning and growth and
opportunities that we can find when we allow ourselves to
really celebrate and learn from our failures.
A couple of months later, I'm
curious how that's settled for readers. Curious what that
article,
the exercise provided, and the invitation to
truly celebrate failure may have brought up for you.
Resistance? Permission? A sigh of relief? Just notice.
Whatever it brought up, it's just perfect.
Failure's a big
topic, right? Fear of failure, even bigger. Here is what I
notice with people and failure.
I notice that the perspectives we
hold about situations, design our pain levels. Failure is
truly a
place where lots of pain can lie for an individual
- but what's an even greater pain, is the time
before the
failure spent "making up", imagining, believing, envisioning
that failure.
A colleague of mine refers to FEAR
as Fantasized Frightful Experiences Appearing Real.
Fantasized Experiences, hmmm. This is where I see an even
greater pain for folks, than the
pain that actually comes
from failing. The pain comes from imagining that we will fail,
be
wrong, lose, be a loser, be judged, laughed at, thought
poorly of, lose respect, status,
the list goes
on.
And then, if there is actual
"failure" it is not actually the real failure that hurts so
much as
what we make up it means. Self-worth, value,
character, to name a few. As human beings,
we let failure
mean more than it actually means when we invite it into our
sacred space
of self worth.
And what's the impact?
"Paralysis." Slow movement. Inaction. Staying small.
Pre-occupation.
No sleep. Inauthentic engagement.
Disengagement. Foggy lenses. Avoidance. Frustration.
Anger.
You can do something about this.
When it starts to happen, when you notice the chatter
starting,
STOP. Notice what's happening and challenge it.
Make a conscious choice to stop the noise and
look at what
is true. This "failure" does not define you. It has nothing to
do with who you are as
a valuable beautiful human being.
Connect with that and make your powerful next step.
Try this on: Imagine, you are
stepping out of your comfort zone to achieve something you
really
want. You're going for a new account, presenting a
new product, submitting a new proposal,
speaking at a huge
engagement, submitting your first book, becoming a parent.
What do you
make up before you step over that line, into
that new place? Do you envision great success and
winning?
Do you envision it being hard and horrible and scary? Do you
just live in the moment,
know it is what it is and step
over the line from there - without any story around it? Just
fully present?
Make up that it's hard - it will
likely be. You'll walk in to it in a more resistant
state.
Make up that it's easy - it will
likely be. You'll walk in to it in a more responsive
state.
Show up unattached with positive
expectations and open to the "magic" - and you will be able
to be fully present to the experience, responsive, open,
agile, ready to move.
Then, you can dance with whatever
shows up.
We have the beautiful opportunity
to impact our outcomes and how successful we are by
noticing how we're setting ourselves up for failure or
success.
What is the mindset we bring into
our challenges? What do we make up, fantasize about that
doesn't serve us? It's all within reach to mindfully
decide how we will move into something.
Afraid? Great, a
fantastic human emotion, one that is necessary (fight or
flight and all that
good stuff), AND just notice when it's
real, when it's made up, and what you can do about it.
Dare to challenge FEAR.
So please, continue on, dare to
celebrate failure. For when you do, there is great learning
and
growth in it. But please don't dare torment yourself
by fantasizing frightful experiences appearing
real. Come
to your life, fully present, challenge the fear and meaning of
failure, and learn from
what shows up.
Anese Cavanaugh is a certified
coach, author and speaker and the founder of Dare To Engage,
Inc.,
a company devoted to helping leaders become top
leaders in their organizations and their lives
through
coaching and training. Her specialty is helping leaders build
a healthier, more engaged
workforce, retain their top
talent, develop greater authentic engagement and create
stronger
personal sustainability. She holds a degree and
multiple credentials in the areas of coaching,
wellness,
leadership development and health & productivity
improvement. For more about
Anese or the Dare To Engage
Programs or to receive a complimentary report and audio on
"Energy & Results" go to www.DareToEngage.com.
